Crash and Burn

Featured

I’m driving your Ferrari
speeding fast, happy, carefree
up a lonely mountain
with you smiling by me.

You’re talking about tomorrow
but I dread there is no dawn,
although it’s lovely weather
dark clouds already mourn.

We’re leaving the safe lands
the cliffs are sharp and steep
my chest tightens,
panic.
the clouds begin to weep.

My hands are shaking
I try to stay in control
but I know it is coming
soon, at the top,
we’ll both fall.

Faster and faster
heart roaring like a plane
always ends in disaster
I try to brake in vain.

With me, there’s no forever
it’s always crash and burn.
Let me drive for a minute,
and I’ll take the wrong turn.

The end comes out of nowhere
smash, crash
big fireball,
pain sharper than scissors
slowly through space, we fall.

Glass shards rain like diamonds
the ground steals my breath
I lie stunned, breathing ashes
again, another death.

Rolling away from rubble
burnt, bruised
am I still alive?
I told you I was trouble.
No lovers can survive.

(c) Copyright 2019 Malu Laila

Mermaid

Everything’s a mess now
I don’t even know how
You’ve forever changed me
love has deranged me.

I used to be a mermaid
swimming in the deep sea
calm, cold silence
no one could reach me.

All the fisher boys
could only catch my laughter
if they tried to find me
they’d be lost forever after.

Days faded together
nothing worth recalling
now the sea is churning
I’m dizzingly falling.

Never felt so helpless
whirlpools keep spinning
I swim against the current
but it keeps on winning.

Continue reading “Mermaid”

Forever No

“NO”.
It’s just a single word.
What use is it
even when it’s heard?

2 letters,
weak and small.
It’s not a spell
and it does nothing at all.

No,
he just didn’t care
when she said No,
he still forced her there.

No.
Her pleas didn’t make him stop.
No.
He just shut her up.

No.
The neighbors didn’t hear.
Or if they did,
They turned a deaf ear.

No.
He said it wasn’t true.
“You’re crazy
lying bitch
I never did that to you.”

And yes.
It still haunts her sleep.
Yes.
The pain goes very deep.
Yes.
Abuse is not a game.
And No –
She was never the same.


(c) Copyright 2020 Malu Laila

Seven

Lost in a desert,
and sinking deeper,
I tried to hold Hope
but I couldn’t keep her.

Like a playful bird,
she kept leading me on.
When I touched her tail
Poof! she was gone.

I struggled through dunes,
each day, I grew weaker,
The sun beat and screamed
the horizon looking bleaker.

Every time I reached a lake,
I was tricked, left croaking,
sand burning my throat,
on prayers choking.

I crumbled to my knees
and begged the Heaven
to send me a Sign
and they sent seven.

I saw them lying there
silently screaming
corpses cloaked in dust.
Men who’d stopped dreaming.

Sand hissed through the air
And I saw another
lake shimmering not far
“it’s a Deja Vu, why bother?”

An old cactus heard me
and shook with laughter
“Chase after your dreams,
or stay lost forever after.”

Sand hissed through the air
“Look far. Don’t trouble,
Everything will be fine.”
I rose with powers double.

The lake is still far
but each day it grows nearer
Hope sits on a branch,
chirping so loud, I can hear her.

I may be weak and lost,
half-broken, burnt, and frail,
but I will fight, and I will win,
even if at first I fail.

After Midnight

Naked after midnight
water drying on my skin
I close all the curtains
and welcome darkness in.

My loyal old ghost
awaits me in my bed
a warm shadow of a lover
who lives only in my head.

His gentle touch ignites
a flame in the bitter cold
I try to grasp the feeling
but there’s nothing there to hold.

As quickly as he came
my passionate De Ja Vu
leaves me there with nothing
but sad longings for you.

The silence of the walls
echoes in my ears
along with gentle sobs
from my runaway tears.

 

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019 Malu Laila

Quietly

I’m sitting quietly
in a self-driving car
been driving for years
but I haven’t gone far.

No signal on my phone
The radio won’t play
silence so loud
it tortures me all day.

The windows are locked
and the doors as well.
I sit and stare out.
A zombie in a cell.

The forest road goes on
into eternity
and the only thing I see
is another dark tree.

Not a single soul
not a single car
not a house or town
nothing close or far.

The sky is overcast
like a frozen frame
storm clouds loom
every day the same.

The sun never smiles
and the clouds don’t cry
I’m stuck in a loop
and I don’t know why.

I lost count of days
lost count of trees
sitting quietly
lost, where no one sees.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019 Malu Laila

Every Day is Grey

Every day is grey
every sky is black
I won’t admit I miss you
or that I want you back.

Lonely streets with shadows
lost dreams in a grave
I try to fight the tears
try hard to be brave.

You were wrong for me
so I shut the door
wish I could reverse the clock
have you back once more.

I wish I could tell you
how much you mean to me.
I’m crying, dying, baby,
still love you, crazily.

I’m sorry that I hurt you
drowning in cold regret
you were the best person
I ever, ever met.
Without you, I’m falling
every day is grey
all of me died
the night I walked away.

I’m sorry I hurt you
sorry I broke your heart.
Alone in the darkness
I’m falling apart

apart
apar
apa
a.
.

Wings

Now it’s…

Distant like a nightmare someone told her,
all the burning pain, slowly grows colder.

Sunlight on her face, darkness behind her
she escaped at last, no one can find her.

Her lungs expel smoke, her heart beats slower
soon she’ll be reborn, no one will know her.

A falcon flies above, his eyes are knowing
she feels her shoulders burst, her wings are growing.

Bloody cuts and slashes, slowly drying
a smile on her lips, soon she’ll be flying.

Memories, torments, quickly shedding
sunlight on the mountains, where she’s heading.

100-ton chains, no longer choke her
their weight upon her soul, nearly broke her

so many times she fell, and lay weak, dying
in the darkest holes, silently crying.

just when she couldn’t rise, in darkness sleeping
out from thunder skies, the sun came creeping

lighting up a path, out of the lost maze
away from endless pain, away from dark days.

 

Now it’s…

Distant like a nightmare someone told her,
all the burning pain, slowly grows colder.

Torments of her past, no longer hold her
distant like a nightmare, someone told her.

 

 

(c) Copyright 2019 Malu Laila

Broken Leash

I won’t be here
I don’t know where I’ll go
but I won’t be here
that’s all I need to know.

Tsunamis of relief,
thunder clouds of pain
roll away as I leave,
never to return again.

I might drown at sea
I might crash on a plane
but at least I won’t
be hurt by you again.

Your old leather leash
can’t hold me back no more
and your iron boots
can’t keep me on the floor.

You say the world is bad
well, maybe that’s true
but I’m sure it’s not
as evil as you.

Maybe I’ll be stabbed
maybe I’ll be shot,
maybe I’ll be grabbed
and maybe I will not.

I found my broken shards
and shoved them in my pack
sun hits my face
I run and don’t look back.

I know when you awake
you’ll go berserk with rage
that your monkey escaped
your electric cage.

I might drown at sea
I might crash on a plane
but any death is
better than seeing you again.

I hung the broken leash
on the splintered door
and left you to scrub
my old blood off the floor.

© 2019 Malu Laila